Public Speaking

Not A License to Verbally Assault Me

Wednesday, July 22, 2015/Categories: Entries

I'm back. At least that is the plan. I wear a lot of different hats……….I run different companies, I serve on different boards, I have projects that need and deserve the public's attention…… I've debated and pondered and wondered if the world could handle the multi-faceted being that here, on this website, and on Facebook is a rude, offensive, bitch. So let's give it a shot……..because this is like trying to hold back Mt. Vesuvius when it's ready to blow - I have so many things in my head to say. I just have to start writing this again. If you don't like it, or are offended - don't read it………pretty fucking simple.

So what brought this to a boil you ask? I attended an event tonight. There were many speakers at this event. The first one was good. He used proper grammar. He had points to make. He made them. Then it all went to hell in a hand basket.

I listened to speaker after speaker that verbally assaulted me, yet had no idea they were doing that. So let me offer some public speaking tips:

Uh-k is not a word. It is the utterance one might have heard from a cave dwelling neanderthal. 

Saying "you guys" 38 times in a 3 minute talk? Unacceptable. 

Uh…………………..uh…………………………Where are your words buddy?? Let's coax them out of that numb skull and keep this party moving.

The word is athlete. Not ATH - A - LEET. 

One guy talked about wood in connection with his anniversary. Traditionally the 5th anniversary is wood. If I were a guy do you know what I would be doing first thing in the morning……….."honey, I've got your gift right here!!" I think this poor bastard actually bought his wife something made out of a tree. 

As it turns out - or so they say - each of the speakers commented on his beautiful wife. That's lovely and all, but I wonder how many had  domestic disputes either before or after the event. "Honey, does this dress make my butt look big?" Is there anything that DOESN'T make her ass look big? One guy got his anniversary wrong. His wife won't be accepting any wood tonight. It was a train wreck. I had my drinks on someone else's tab. That person knows me, and knew full well that I would be drinking my way through that hootenanny. Mission accomplished.

Here's another tidbit I picked up at the event…………… might meet your spouse by a port-a-potty……….I wonder if there is a local therapist that can get me over my fear of potty houses? Then I might be able to finally meet the man of my dreams.


The Gym Bytch

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