As many of you already know I am a promotor of people covering their jiggly shit. If it jiggles - cover it up with clothes - that would be your ass, your boobs, your balls……..and so forth. There were two separate and completely unrelated incidents at the gym today, but both disturbing.
The first was a man staring right at me as I walked towards him……..normally I stare right back at a person doing this but as I got closer I noticed the enormous tufts of shoulder hair, threw up in my mouth a little and had to look away. I failed the stare down, but did not fail as much as his personal grooming had failed him and everyone else at the gym. Now it could be that he is a bear (a full figured, furry gay man) and his partner likes his fur covered shoulders. But then why was he staring at me? This was before my attempt to walk sideways and backwards on the stair climber - losing my headphones, my phone, my towel and almost falling off the machine - so did I have a booger? If he is not a bear and has a male, female or gender nonspecific partner they should tell him to trim, or better yet, wax off the shoulder hair. Isn't that what friends/lovers are supposed to do for each other? Especially in the later years as we start sprouting hair in the strangest areas……..ugh - if you are single like me, make sure you have friends that don't mind pointing out your flaws - I'm lucky to have several - and get yourself a light up, magnifying mirror and some good tweezers. Or have a team of people that you pay to tend to your grooming. Or all of the above.
Ok - I made my way past Grizzly Adams only to come upon the inspiration for today's word………RUMPLY. I got this term when a friend of mine was in the hospital. I was there as his health care advocate. At some point in time after surgery he wanted to get up and go to the bathroom so I went over to the bed to make sure he was steady on his feet - he was. I ask if he would like me to tie his gown shut - that and socks were all he had on. He told me NO. He then barked at me to stop looking at his rumply ass. This is an apt description of a 60+ year old ass - although his was really not too bad. And let's face it - if you've got it out, I'm gonna look at it.
Good lord - I keep derailing with thoughts tonight………..I got past Grizzly Adams (that reminds me of a joke I will have to tell you sometime) and walked toward a man of about 80, in the smallest, flimsiest, shortest shorts ever. He was very slender and clearly in great shape - but as we age our skin loses its elacticity - my own knees seem a bit rumply - so if you know a good cosmetic knee surgeon - I intend on fixing all my rumply parts as I age…….ok back on track. He was doing giant leg circles while laying on the mat…………..this was bad for several reasons……….one - his rumply ass was hanging out. Jumping the tracks again…………do you remember your parents having a door, wall or door jam that they made marks on to denote your height as you grew? Do you realize that as men age, they could use the inside of one thigh to make marks on how far down their balls are sagging? Ok - back on track - this is a time when I highly recommend bike/spandex shorts -- let's keep the boys tucked away for safe keeping. What would a word be to describe something that is way more than just rumpled? No one wants to see your old balls at the gym.
I feel like I have more to say - but will stop here for tonight - I have a new theme song - maybe I will tell you about that sometime soon……….
The Gym Bytch