I was visually assaulted as soon as I entered the gym today!  A man of about 80-100 years old was flopping around (literally) on a mat and his wrinkly shit was hanging out all over the place – I threw up a little in my mouth. He was also doing an exercise that was unrecognizable but apparently required his legs to be splayed out in a most hideous manner. 

I thought that was bad until I turned to find another male of advanced age, in a vertical position, doing something with hand weights that involved moving his feet back and forth while his arms flapped around oddly.  I’m guessing he was somehow inspired by the finale of Dancing With The Stars last night and was doing some sort of interpretive dance/resistance training move.  Anyway – it was unlike anything I have ever seen.

There were several men and women adorned in racer back tank tops – and moobs and underarm fat, and back fat were all over the damn place.  Some other folks (more to my liking) were in full on sweatpants, long sleeves and hats – some sort of winter wonderland workout I guess. 

One elderly man appeared to be asleep on a machine – I thought a swift kick to the nuts would wake him up, but I’m sure the effects of age, gravity and the heat of the gym would have made it impossible for me to actually guess where his balls were.

Several people were using terrible form while weight lifting – I almost walked over and smashed one guy’s back down on the bench press bench – don’t arch your back for fucksake. 

Thank goodness in this sea of sweaty mackerels there were a couple pieces of delectable eye candy --- one guy had an ass I could have bounced quarters off of – but I didn’t have any change on me.  I would have tried, and just said “oh sorry”.  Then there was a guy that definitely had tickets to the gun show.  And yes, I stare.  And yes, I know I am objectifying these men.  I’m comfortable with that and fairly sly about it. Well, that ‘s what I think ………….and in Bytch Land that is all that matters. 

It turns out the day before Thanksgiving is as bad at the gym as January 2 is with all the damn resolutions.  The gym was full of people today that will still out eat whatever they were doing today – me included. Happily, my other gym is open tomorrow – so I can hit it again before partaking in pumpkin pie with whipped cream………..which gives me another idea…………… 

Love,

The Gym Bytch

And to the men in my life -- you know that I actually do care about your feelings -- you know who you are!