Frequently at 5am or 11pm I scroll through Facebook - sometimes I watch homeless pet videos and cry, sometimes I watch clips from Family Feud, and sometimes I take quizzes. This particular morning I came across a quiz that one of my Facebook acquaintances had posted - she disclosed that she had scored a 15 on this quiz - making her a low maintenance person according to the particular measure.

 I started to take the quiz.............when I got to 47 points and had not scrolled through all the questions yet, I declared bullshit on this quiz and quit.

Later that same day, I was out with some of my favorite women and I began to tell them the story about taking this quiz.......I said I started to take this thing knowing that I would score as a very low maintenance person. Suddenly their eyes were the size of saucers and they were covering their mouths with their hands. I later discovered that this was to help hold in the uproarious laughter while they waited to hear my next gem of self awareness.

I told them about the questions on the quiz:

 Do you color your hair?(3) Do you have your hair professionally colored?(5) Are your nails always polished?(2) Are they always done professionally?(5) And on and on  - do you get waxed, do you have eyelash extensions..........blah, blah, blah. They pointed out that I did in fact do most of this - and with the help of professionals. I said "Well, I still think that I am low maintenance! I can go from bed to out the door in 30 minutes or less!" To which one Ms. HT said "Of course you can! What the fuck is there for you to do? It's all already been done by professionals!" 

I kept coming up with more things that made me low maintenance. I pay for it all myself. I'm easy to get along with. I don't demand much of my friends or those around me. They shot me down on all of these -- they did concede that I pay for it all myself. I have no sugar daddy - don't forget I'm dating impaired. But they also pointed out that frequently when I am out I don't even carry my own bags - my posse has spoiled me and carries my items when shopping -- although I never ask them to do so! 

Then today, while I was with one of my gals that tends to one of items on the test, I decided to tell her about this quiz. I happened to be laying on the table on my back, she was sitting at my head and as I told her, she but one hand on each side of my face (like one does with a person that does not really understand what is going on around them) and she said, "I prefer to think of it as you supporting local business". 

Tonight I tried once more ---- although I may have been thwarted because HT was at the table again - with my male friend JR and the fabulous Heatie. Same damn reaction from all of them! The my assistant  had to chime in and ask if they had a question about having a personal assistant! Well, I'll be god damned! I'm not going to win this fight. I still wasn't buying the idea of being high maintenance!

So there you have it. The Gym Bytch is high maintenance..............who'd a thunk it?!? Wait a minute................if I were truly high maintenance wouldn't I surround myself with "yes" people? The battle continues...........

Love,

The Gym Bytch